Keeping our Borders Safe

A secure rant from Dean Swift

Today, Borders Group Inc. spokeswoman Beth Bingham said in defense of Borders and Waldenbooks’ decision not to carry the April-May issue of Free Inquiry (a magazine published by the Council for Secular Humanism), "For us, the safety and security of our customers and employees is a top priority, and we believe that carrying this issue could challenge that priority."
Why would she say such a thing? What is the problem with this issue of Free Inquiry? If I owned a large chain of bookstores, I would be concerned with the safety of my patrons if certain magazines:

Were made entirely of tiny shards of broken glass,
Were chock full of Anthrax (the poison gas, not the metal band),
Were loaded with trans-fatty acids,
Sent up clouds of second hand smoke,
Were printed with ink made from plutonium,
Contained LSD laced glue on reply envelopes,
Had hungry, ferocious, rabid badgers trapped in the shrink-wrap, or
Had a centerfold of Mother Sheehan.

Is this what Beth and her concerned employers are worried about? Well, no. They are concerned about bands of blood-thirsty Jihadistas storming through malls all across America, tearing patrons to bits, after being whipped into a frenzy because the April-May issue of Free Inquiry contains nothing less than cartoons of Mohamed (the prophet, not the boxer or the guy who owns Harrods). Actually, these are the same Dutch cartoons that everyone on the planet has seen about a hundred times (except for people who watch only NBC and read only US newspapers). I can certainly see Ms. Bingham’s point, by exposing all seven or eight people across the USA that actually read Free Inquiry, all hell might break loose. OH, the humanity!