Going National

Recently, I went to my office supply closet and retrieved a notebook (for taking notes) and much to my amazement, I found a survey where one would expect to find the first blank page of notebook paper. Of course I seized the opportunity to help these people. After all, I am here to help. Here is how the whole thing went down, starting with their survey:

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for purchasing this notebook. We would like to have your feedback on what you use this produce for and learn more about you!

Have you purchased this notebook before? YES

If yes, how many of these notebooks do you use per year? 12-15

What is your main use of this notebook (optional)? I mainly use it as a notebook. You know....a book in which I write notes. Though occasionally, I use it as a coaster.

How could we make this product more useful to you? As a notebook, it does its job well. However, if it was a magic notebook that could grant wishes, that would be super. Also, if it could pick my kids up from school, that would be very useful.

Other Comments? How about an automatic notebook that would take notes for me? That would allow me to sleep through meetings (just like I sleep through conference calls now).
________________________________________________________________

After filling out the survey, I faxed it to the company, just as they had asked. Shortly after faxing this to the Notebook People, I second thoughts and composed a second letter on company letterhead:
________________________________________________________________

Dear Valued Survey Reader,

After faxing you my survey on the National Brand College Ruled White paper One Subject Notebook (50 Sheets, 11"x8-7/8"), I had some additional thoughts. I shall share them with you now. As to question three (main use of notebook), I think that I gave you my "main" uses on the original form. I have however, come up with some other uses that I have previously employed with varying degrees of success. These uses include (but are certainly not limited to):

1. Bug killer
2. Table leveler
3. Disciplinary tool for pets and children
4. Fan
5. Projectile in fits of anger
6. Peek-a-boo facilitator
7. Cue card
8. Privacy screen
9. Dust pan
10. Survey Reply Form

I hope that this list will enable you to gain further marketshare in the notebook category. Tools such as your survey must be a true godsend in the notebook wars.

All my best,

Dean Swift

P.S. I used your notebook to write this letter. LEGAL PADS SUCK!


Oddly enough, I never got a reply. I figured I was the only guy on the planet who was bored enough to fill out the survey and would therefore get a lifetime supply of notebooks. Silly me.