An interview with my dirty sock

Seeing as how anyone and everyone who will hold still long enough ends up being interviewed on cable news shows, I thought I would pull one of my socks out of the laundry hamper and get its views on the latest events around the corner and around the world. I chose a lone white crew sock with blue and gold stripes across the top.

Dean Swift - Is this your first interview Mr. Sock?

Old Dirty Sock - Oh hell no! Just today I was called by MSNBC to do a spot on Rita Crosby, but I passed. Actually I was scheduled to be washed, and you know Rita, Thursdays just aren't her thing! By the way, what's up with this "Mr. Sock" business, just call me sock.

DS - Thanks, Sock. What about all this Danish cartoon mess, what's the talk around the hamper?

ODS - I guess those of us in the soiled clothing coalition feel about the same as most everyone else, It's a damn cartoon! Now if the Danes had taken a bunch of innocent Islamic prisoners and videotaped them being beheaded, that would be a different story. Then I could see maybe the UN getting involved and doing something drastic like scolding them or issuing a mandate for them to "play nice-nice."

DS - What about the detractors of Black History Month claiming that setting aside a "special" month for Black history is just pandering.

ODS - As you know, Dean, I live in a society that is alternately segregated and mixed. In the hamper we're all one happy commingled family and come wash day we're isolated and removed to live strictly with "our own kind" only to be sent right back into a diverse closet or dresser drawer after we emerge from our segregated dryer. So we, the clothes, see the best and the worst of race relations. That being said, I can certainly understand the argument from both sides. Setting aside time to honor the contributions of black Americans is certainly a noble cause, but perhaps it could be construed as misguided. History is history, time didn't move along at a "black pace" and a "white pace" causing the need for separate histories. Maybe in the future, if harmonious race relations and racial equality become a true reality, then Black History Month won't be necessary. We're just not there yet.

DS - And finally, the question that is on everybody's mind... What did you think about seeing that picture of Britney Spears driving an SUV with her baby in her lap?

ODS - Tramp! She should be arrested, no questions asked. Plus, I've heard that she NEVER uses liquid fabric softener. What kind of life will that child have to endure?

DS - Well Sock, thanks so much for your time. I hope we can do this again.

ODS - No problem. Just make sure you give me plenty of notice. Between Tucker, Wolf, and Anderson, I don't have too much time to spare. Plus down here in the bottom of the hamper, there's always the chance of hooking up with a cute thong (or at least rubbing up against some hot black bra), so I don't want to stay gone too long.