A Swiftian Rant

Being a screaming moderate is a tough way to charge through life.

25 April 2006

Oh no... It's that SCARY Global Warming Thing!

Experts: Global warming behind 2005 hurricanes

That was a headline on CNN’s web site today. Sounds like it was intended to connote authority and a conclusion. But if you read further into the article it starts to fall apart as the author’s conclusion (and personal opinion) are not supported by his own facts. For instance:

"The hurricanes we are seeing are indeed a direct result of climate
change…increasingly due to greenhouse gases. There seems to be no other
conclusion you can logically draw."

This quote is from Greg Holland, a division director at the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder, Colorado. But in the next paragraph the writer says

His conclusion will be debated throughout the week-long conference, as other
researchers present opposing papers that say changing wind and temperature
conditions in the tropics are due to natural events, not the accumulation of
carbon dioxide emissions clouding the Earth.

Perhaps the Headline should have read:

Some experts but not all: Global warming may or may not be behind the 2005 hurricanes

The author blames the busy hurricane seasons of the 40s and 50s on “natural” causes but when looking at the current activity he says;

"The large bulk of the scientific community say what we are seeing now is
linked directly to greenhouse gases."


The article goes on to say that as global warming gets worse, the hurricanes will follow suit, but in the last paragraph we find this confusing statement:

This year, the weather service's Tropical Prediction Center expects more
hurricanes than usual, but not as many as last year's record 14
.

Essentially the article is much like the headline. It is made to be scarier than jumping out behind a tree and shouting boo, but doesn’t hold water.

The one thing I found conspicuously absent however is that no where in the article does it report that for the past eight years, the Earth’s temperature has not risen. But more on that another day…

24 April 2006

More Caning!

Remember Michael Fay and the Singapore caning incident? Perhaps a good caning would be in order for these punks.

More on the story here, here and here.

Best of Me Symphony #126

The Best of Me Symphony is up at the Owner's Manual. Check out my first article to be featured in this venerable institution.

14 April 2006

UC Santa Cruz Protest Apology?

When I read about the anti-war protest at the UC Santa Cruz job fair, I was angered and sent a letter to the Chancellor. Here is the reply that was sent in a bulk mailing.



****************************************

I have received your comments about the protest against military recruiters at UC Santa Cruz on April 11. Along with many others at UCSC, I share your concerns.

To read a message regarding the incident, please visit this web site:
http://messages.ucsc.edu/05-06/04-13.protest.asp

This site provides additional background:
http://www.ucsc.edu/news_events/protest/saw_04-11-06

Sincerely,

Denice D. Denton
Chancellor

13 April 2006

Bring Me the Heads of the Harvard 8!

Spurious News Network
Boston, MA

Vowing not to be outdone by a “small Southern town prosecutor”, the DA’s office in Boston, Massachusetts has accused the Harvard 8 Man Crew Team of taunting, torturing and impaling a bus load of Mexican, illegal alien, lesbian, prostitutes who were in town to assist in an anti-war, anti-fur, vegan, Earth First, gay pride, ACLU, anti-Bush, peaceful demonstration to point out the horrors of global warming.

The all-white crew team is reported to consist solely of children who’s father’s are either; tobacco lobbyists, “Big Oil/Coal” executives, Halliburton board members, Fox News anchors or grossly overpaid CEOs. All of their mothers have been described as botox-filled, spa queens.

At a press conference today, assistant DA, Dan Conley was quoted as saying, “Our privileged white boys are fare more privileged, far more white and committed far worse hate crimes than those pseudo-uppercrust, prepster wanna-be, rednecks in the Carolinas.”

The banner waving crowd applauded wildly when Mr. Conley shouted, “If they think they can prosecute a case without evidence better than we can… they’ve got another thing coming. They may not have DNA, but we don’t even have a word of testimony from the victims! They may have time stamped pictures of the accuser leaving the party unharmed, but we have pictures of the crew team competing in new Jersey at the time of the alleged taunting, torturing and impaling! But are we going to let the facts get in the way of our hate fueled frenzy? NO WAY! We will prosecute these boys to the fullest extent of the law! Why? Because our causes are just!”

After the speech by Mr. Conley, several drum circles were formed on Harvard Square.

12 April 2006

Recipe for Disaster?

``It's a big mistake to go into hurricane season and believe pulling FEMA out of DHS would be anything other than a recipe for failure,'' - Michael Chertoff

I guess he means that if we take FEMA out of the overstuffed and ineffective bureaucracy that is DHS we could end up with ill prepared personnel, thousands of stranded people, flooded shelters, choked evacuation routes, slow responses to recovery efforts, and lots of deaths… wait, no, that’s what happened with FEMA where it is now… I’m confused.

Maybe he means that if FEMA becomes independent we’ll have more ill prepared personnel, more than thousands of stranded people, more flooded shelters, more choked evacuation routes, slower responses and lots and lots of deaths… yeah, that’s what he means.

I’ve got a great idea! Let’s get the Raleigh Durham police department to take over disaster relief. They seem to be on top of things! They may get it all wrong, but at least they’ll do it quickly. I can just hear Dubya now… “You’re doing a heck of a job Fongie”

Carnival of the Vanities

The Carnival of the Vanities is up at freemoneyfinance!

09 April 2006

I'm baaaaaack!

My excuses for not writing anything in several days:

1. Business travel
2. My wife has been slipping me Ambien and it obviously causes wicked writer’s block
3. Forgot how to use my thumbs
4. Rapid onset temporary stupidity

Since I’ve missed so much in the news and had so little to say about anything, I’ll just take it all on at once. Here goes.

Immigration Protests

Let me get this straight, people who are in this country illegally are protesting a law that may or may not be passed by the elected officials put in office by citizens. Why doesn’t INS or ICE just surround the entire protest and make sweeping arrests?

Iranian Weapons

Just nuke ‘em and get it over with. If any other Arab/Islamic country makes even a peep, nuke ‘em all until the whole damn region is a giant glass parking lot and give all the oil rights to Israel, at least they like us.

Duke Lacrosse

Something tells me there is more to this than we know. Stay tuned and I would bet dollars-to-donuts that something is rotten in Denmark.

Katie Couric Moves to CBS

The move had nothing to do with money or fame, she was just tired of Matt Lauer being “glib.”

Lab-grown Bladder

Can they lab-grow a butler yet? If they can, I want one, but only if he can live on a diet of table scraps and doesn’t require sleep. Oh yea, and he should be magical and have the ability to grant wishes.

DeLay decides not to seek office

This is a surprise? No really. Did this really come as a surprise?

Journalist Hostage Release

She says she was coerced. You’ve got to be f***ing kidding me. She was coerced? Who would possibly have coerced her? You mean the terrorists actually made her say nice things about them? I’m shocked! Shocked to find coercion in Iraq.

Ok, that’s enough. I’ll try more again tomorrow.





04 April 2006

Cynthia Style

In Washington DC today, throngs of barbers, colorists, stylists and coiffeurs, marched on the Capital in response the statement by Cynthia McKinney that she intended to inform the Capital Police every time she changed her hairstyle.


Thanks to: www.CustomSignGenerator.com


“I’m not sure who is advising her, but that thing on her head is not a hair style.” Said Antonio Brutus of KraftKuts in Newark, NJ. “I heard that she hit a cop or something, but if I was her, I’d be bitch-slapping whoever runs her salon. Did you see that mop? Girl… that thing looks like somebody chewed on badger and stuck it on her head!”

The crowd remained peaceful and no incidents of violence were reported. Capital police lieutenant George Marcus said to a crowd of reporters, “As protesters go, these were the best dressed and best mannered I’ve ever seen. They didn’t stink like most of the hippies and they weren’t nearly as unattractive as most of the feminists. We would welcome them back. Heck, I even got a coupon for a 20% discount at SuperCuts.”

The protestors marched from the Washington Monument to the Capital building and then all met up later for happy hour margaritas at Chili’s in Tyson’s Corner.

Cynthia, livin' tha thug life

Cynthia “Sluggo” McKinney’s cop smacking actions should not really shock us. After all, she is the one Congressperson that introduced and supports a bill calling on the government to form a 10 person Citizen’s Advisory Committee to study and maintain all government records concerning the life and death of Tupac Shakur. And what did Tupac think about cops:

Tha cops can't stand me, but they can't touch me
Call me a dope man, cause I rock dope beats
Jacked by tha police, didn't have my ID


F**k a damn cop, (they claim'in that I’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
F**k a damn cop, (they claim'in that I’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
F**k a damn cop, (they claim'in that I’m violent)


She’s just following her convictions.

And what about her claim that racism is behind the whole brouhaha? Just ask Tupac:

Now I’m against this cop who was racist
Given him a taste, of tradin places
And all this, cause tha was tryin’ ta frame us, but I came up
Now they claiming that I’m violent!



Hmmmm… Now that explains it.

Oh yea. I almost forgot. Does anyone else think she looks like the love product of Buckwheat and the “Runaway Bride.”




01 April 2006

To Che or not to Che

I was walking from the parking garage to my office today and spotted a young man getting out of his Honda Pilot SUV, proudly sporting a Che Guevara t-shirt. It reminded me of a conversation I had Monday night with a new friend of mine whose family is from Cuba. We were discussing the current condition of the Cuban infrastructure and we both spoke of a desire to see it soon, before the “normalization” of our country’s relations with Cuba and the influx of Disney, Starbucks and the Gap, all of which will rapidly transform the country into a caricature of its former self. Our ideas were pretty much in synch except for our views of Che. Seeing the kid in the t-shirt inspired me to do some more homework on the subject. What I have discovered is about what I thought before. This guy may have started out as a starry-eyed, idealist revolutionary, but he ended up as a power-hungry murderous thug.

Most people only know of Che through the iconic photograph of the handsome revolutionary taken by Alberto Korda. Others may know of him through the movie The Motorcycle Diaries and others may have learned about him in history classes. What the t-shirt and the movie don’t tell you are the facts surrounding Che’s role in the Cuban government after the revolution.

The “Motorcycle Diaries” weren’t the only diaries he kept. A 1957 diary entry he described how and why he shot Eutimio Guerra “Although I could not confirm it, I suspected him of passing on information. I ended the problem with a .32 caliber pistol, in the right side of his brain.... His belongings were now mine.” This shoot first, ask questions later mentality was not isolated to the murder of Guerra, Che’s instructions to Ramiro Valdés regarding the treatment of dissidents were “If in doubt, kill him.”

In 1959, Castro put Che in charge of La Cabaña prison. According to José Vilasuso, who was in charge of the summary judicial process at La Cabaña, Che oversaw the kangaroo court that decided the guilt of all political prisoners that came before it. Sentences of death were carried out within hours of a decision being handed down and not a single case was ever overturned. In an interview given by Vilasuso (who is now an attorney in Puerto Rico) her recalled, “My duty was to legalize the files before they were sent on to the Ministry. Executions took place from Monday to Friday, in the middle of the night, just after the sentence was given and automatically confirmed by the appellate body. On the most gruesome night I remember, seven men were executed.”

Those not executed in La Cabaña were certainly not treated with care. Prison chaplain Javier Arzuaga was quoted in New Republic As saying “…there were about eight hundred prisoners in a space fit for no more than three hundred: former Batista military and police personnel, some journalists, a few businessmen and merchants. The revolutionary tribunal was made of militiamen. Che Guevara presided over the appellate court. He never overturned a sentence. I would visit those on death row at the galera de la muerte. A rumor went around that I hypnotized prisoners because many remained calm, so Che ordered that I be present at the executions. I pleaded many times with Che on behalf of prisoners. I remember especially the case of Ariel Lima, a young boy. Che did not budge. I became so traumatized that at the end of May 1959 I was ordered to leave the parish of Casa Blanca, where La Cabaña was located and where I had held Mass for three years. I went to Mexico for treatment. The day I left, Che told me we had both tried to bring one another to each other’s side and had failed. His last words were: “When we take our masks off, we will be enemies.”

La Cabaña wasn't the only prison that Che oversaw. He also was in charge of the forced labor camps. Che explained the first of these camps, Guanahacabibes, thusly,
“[We] only send to Guanahacabibes those doubtful cases where we are not sure people should go to jail ... people who have committed crimes against revolutionary morals, to a lesser or greater degree.... It is hard labor, not brute labor, rather the working conditions there are hard.”
These are the same camps that today contain political dissidents, Jehovah’s Witnesses, AIDS sufferers, homosexuals, Afro-Cuban priests, Catholics and others seen as "unfit" by the Castro regime.

So back to the t-shirts… At the Oscars last year, Carlos Santana was sporting a Che shirt. The crowd cheered. I tend to agree with the dissenting voice of jazz musician Paquito D’Rivera, who in an open letter to Carlos Santana published in the March 31, 2005 edition of El Nuevo Herald said, “One of those Cubans [at La Cabaña] was my cousin Bebo, who was imprisoned there precisely for being a Christian. He recounts to me with infinite bitterness how he could hear from his cell in the early hours of dawn the executions, without trial or process of law, of the many who died shouting, ‘Long live Christ the Lord’”

So let the uninformed try to be commie-chic hipsters. Just remind them that if Che had had lived and carried out his dreams, they might not feel the same way. After all, when asked about the Cuban Missile Crisis, Guevara told a British newspaper, “If the rockets had remained, we would have used them all and directed them against the very heart of the United States, including New York, in our defense against aggression.”