A Thetan Rant from Dean Swift
In light of several
events that have transpired this week, I have decided to form my own
cult religion. I am having a difficult time coming up with a name and have hired Ogilvy Public Relations to assist me in my endeavor. So far, they have come up with three potential names for my new
cult church: (1) Cashaneticology, (2) The Divine Order of Dean’s Swiss Bank Account and (3) Halliburton. Any suggestions or comments are welcome.
Regardless of the name, it is important that the
rich celebrities hard working people of the world have a place where they can
give me all their money feel free to be themselves and avoid the
helpful benefits evil traps of things like medicine and loads of cash weighing them down.
It is my firm belief in
anal probing space aliens the goodness of humankind that will be the basis for all of my
cult church
brainwashing teaching. We will have intense weekend getaways for our followers that will consist of
allowing your attractive spouses to have sex with me on demand healing rituals and
giving me your late model cars wellness seminars.
Once
indoctrinated accepted with loving open arms into my
cult church, you will
go on rampages against South Park and Matt Lauer and others that question our beliefs spread our word of love to the
infidel non-believers people who need our help.
So let’s get this thing started. I am sending out
wiring instructions to my bank account happy thoughts via mental telepathy. You’ll know what to do when you get the message!
click here for more on the inspiration for my new cult religion
In light of several events that have transpired this week, I have decided to form my own 
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